Comments on The Relationship Diva: After "The Talk" (or DTR)

Hey, found this blog through one of my followers -...

2009-11-06T13:29:31.812-06:00

Hey, found this blog through one of my followers - Kiss& Blog. Glad I dropped by. Like what you're doing here. Keep up the good work.
plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

Hurricanes -- You make some valid points, that I'd...

2009-11-05T19:12:51.485-06:00

Hurricanes -- You make some valid points, that I'd like to consider in a little more detail.

Long-distance relationships, like 99% of other relationships, start out in person. The truth is, I'm willing to bet excellent money that most people know whether or not they're into someone pretty early on into the game. I mean, would you be willing to waste your time on someone you have lukewarm feelings for? Likely not.

What it boils down to is while proximity is important (and I, for one, am a fan), I think that the time you spend with someone should help in determining whether the vibe is strong enough to keep it going. Even if it's long distance. Truth is, you can build on lots of other things when you decide to actively make it work. Then, if you decide you want to give it a whirl, you make moves and sacrifices. If it works, great, if it doesn't, well you tried.

On the flip side, I know people that live blocks from each other and spent all that time together, only to realize they weren't feeling it. Which makes me wonder if distance, while a large hurdle for many, isn't just one of a variety of factors to consider.

Although, Hurricanes, your points do serve as great insight into committed long distance relationships. And I may tap Boliva's story as an example of what made it work. Maybe there are things to consider that would make hurdles like distance only minor thoughts.

Boliva: As with any situation there are exceptions...

2009-11-05T14:41:20.383-06:00

Boliva: As with any situation there are exceptions to the rule. I'm glad to hear that you made it work!

Diva: There are a number of reasons why I'm not a believer in serious relationships that start out as long distance.

Communication is the main hurdle that I see. Even with major improvements in technolgy it is tough to build trust and understanding over the telephone. When you're talking on the phone or over the internet it is easier to manage perceptions and to paint a picture that might not match up with what is really going on. You're unable to gauge their body language while interacting with them if most of your rapport building occurs over the phone or internet.

Trust is another big factor for me. It is tougher to convince yourself to trust someone if you see them in person infrequently. Every Saturday night you will be wondering whether or not your man is cheating on you. I have 5 male friends in long distance relationships and I know that 3 out of 5 are actively cheating on their girlfriends. I bet that out of the other two one of them is cheating but hasn't told me. Given that data, do you want to take the chance that your man is the 1 out of 5 that isn't cheating? Just remember what Bill Clinton said, "Deny, deny, deny."

Sexual chemistry is important but needs to be evaluated over an extended period of time. If you are hooking up once a quarter how can you get a sense about his respect for your needs and ability to fulfill them?

Traveling is very expensive and time consuming. Most people have limited means and time and in my view, should use those resources as efficiently as possible. Why not try to find someone in the town that you live in? You'll save a lot of money and time. Plus you will have a chance to get to have more face time, sex and fun. You can incorporate them into your group of friends and have the benefit of your friends impressions of your partner.

HurricanesFan is not a believer.

There are plenty of committed long distance relati...

2009-11-04T10:57:52.223-06:00

There are plenty of committed long distance relationships that work. I've been through 2 long-distance "stints," one at the very beginning of my relationship and one post-engagement. You have to make it work. Check out this week's NYTimes Magazine feature on Michelle and Barack. Its pretty good :)

Interesting. Why do you say that, if you don't min...

2009-11-04T10:14:43.970-06:00

Interesting. Why do you say that, if you don't mind my asking? I personally have never been in one, but some people seem to think otherwise.

Diva: Have you done an entry on committed long di...

2009-11-04T10:10:51.356-06:00

Diva:

Have you done an entry on committed long distance relationships yet? I think you should because they rarely work out and people waste a lot of time and money on them.