Friday, April 9, 2010

For Love of the Game

Just recently, I'd received simple advice given to me in order to process why it's easy to fall back on old flames: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. But, in a recent conversation with a friend, I realized that I could take that same advice to dissect male behavior.

Earlier this week, I had an awesome chat with my friend Tim, trying to understand why a man I went out with (and thought I had a good time with) had tried so hard to impress me on a date, just end up disappearing. Now, don't get it twisted. I am completely in tune with the disappearing acts guys play. However, what I wanted to get at the heart at was the efforts a guy goes through to bed a woman. I mean, why put in so much labor if the plan is ultimately to pull a "hit it and quit it" kind of thing?

Granted, I can think about it logically. But from my personal perspective, I don't put in too much labor for something I don't intend to keep for very long. To me it seems like energy wasted. But, of course, I like to work for what I want because it means a little more.

While Tim pointed out that the things my date did were ultimately designed to seduce me, neither he nor I could comprehend the reason for his disappearance before the situation between us got sexual. And, while I later speculated that it had more to do with what happened in his life, like an old flame coming back (my guess), I was intrigued by Tim's interpretation of the lengths a guy will go through to get a woman into bed.

Essentially, he make it a point to say that no matter the tactic (like the origami flower I received during my date over the traditional flowers), a guy is always trying to get you into bed.

"You should always assume that our goal is to get you into bed," he said. "Whatever we say. Even if it seems like we're being patient, it is a tactic, to show we have self-control and allow you ladies to push the envelope."


"I do think guys can speed up the process if they're patient," he continued. "Giving her the choice."

"And you ultimately want to get her into bed," I asked.

"Sure," he replied. "If that isn't the point then why date? Men can't connect with a woman emotionally without sex."

"Then if you're trying to bed her," I asked, "Why is getting her into bed soon a bad move?"

"Well," he noted. "It's not exactly. There's no exact answer. Too many variables. If it happens, the only thing I'm wondering is whether I enjoyed myself enough to do it again."

Hmm. Lots of food for thought with opinions like this. But, what seems to make the most sense to me is that simply... it's about the thrill of the game. So if he has to work a bit, it's like he's earned something. Which is why the chase is so fun... For the idea of winning piece by piece, until you feel like you've won. Which makes the sex much more interesting -- when you're invested in the win.

Sounds kind of like closing a deal or getting the job of your dreams. Once you know it's yours, it's like little rush of power.

And the power of the one being chased is to roll with it and be you but always hold a little back. That shows strength and gives the other a chance to come back.

Of course, if you are motivated by one thing, then the rest of this is pointless. But that's another post altogether.

What is it about holding out? Does that always make it better?

Photo Credit: Ann Triling/PhotoXpress

Bonus: And, for a chuckle, one of my favorite Friends episodes -- the pilot -- and all about when Monica gets "tricked into bed" by Paul, the Wine Guy. Enjoy it on You Tube! (After the 3 minute mark!)