Saturday, March 27, 2010

Back in the Game

Every time we step into the dating ring, we're taking a chance with our hearts. And, whether they turn out to be a great match, the loves of our lives, jerks or just good friends, we owe it to ourselves to find out which of any of these they can be.

But, if you've endured some of the icky sides of dating, you'll know that there's no way to be certain of someone's intentions. And, as I've found myself saying all too recently, it's your current state that impacts what and who you attract.

In any event, I found myself grappling with these very emotions on a first date this weekend. He was gorgeous, charming, smart, successful and a gentleman, bringing me an origami flower when he came to meet me. And, as the night grew, I felt the attraction stir within me, enjoying every moment.

 So when the end of the night came and he walked me home,  I was sure that I wanted to see him again... Which immediately made me nervous. And, when he told me that he wanted to see where things went and didn't want to rush it because he was new to the game again, I was immediately pleased -- and confused. Not to say that I wanted to speed through it. But instead of basking in his gentlemanly approach, I questioned whether that was his way of playing some type of game with me. And instead, the night ended with a gentle kiss and the hope for more.

Later that night, as I tried to sleep, I replayed the evening in my head, questioning his actions and whether he was as into me as he said he was. And the second my mind went there... That's when I checked myself.

Had I internalized all the experiences of guys past that I couldn't even enjoy and appreciate a man that I actually liked wanting to take things slow? Why was I rushing the gratification or the thrill of the first time? I'd done that a couple of times before and learned all too soon that I was rushing it because I was sure that this great feeling would disappear. But, it was all the more thrilling when we did take it to the next level. Hell, it was like my birthday and 4th of July on the same day.

Now, here it was again, right in front of me, and the first thing that freaked me out was whether I'd see him again, only because I was remembering guys before him.

In the meantime, because I like him, and want to see where this goes, I'm going to ride this out and trust it. It'll make it that much more explosive if something does happen.

And if not, at least it was a fun Friday night.

Photo Credit: Paul Paladin/PhotoXpress

Friday, March 26, 2010

The RD's Dating Lexicon: Entry #001

Note: Starting today and moving forward on Fridays, I'll be posting a new "words" related to dating, as a type of dating dictionary. Words will include slang names for men and/or women, alternative names for hooking up, different stages of dating and so forth. Some of these will be old familiar ones  you know, some will be yanked strictly from my head and others can be comprised of terms or topics you share with me. And, when applicable, I'll also link to mine and other bloggers whose posts may serve as models of said term of the day. (Today I'll include two, based on some of my recent posts and/or men in my life.)
Resume Man (noun): Refers to a male dating prospect that has impressive credentials such as education or career that look good on paper, much like someone interviewing for a job. 

* In a sentence: When it comes down to dating, Betty often prefers a resume man, the type she thinks her mother would like.

Wifey (noun): Another name for a woman with long-term or marriage potential.  

* In a sentence: Tony's told me on numerous occasions that he thinks of her as wifey; she's the one.
** Related Content: The RD on the Marrying Kind, Training Wheel Dating**


Photo Credit: PhotoXpress/Steve Mann

* And feel free to e-mail me your ideas at (therd) at (therelationshipdiva dot com). 

    Thursday, March 25, 2010

    Being Single: Stigma or Blessing? Depends...

    Q: Is it a bad thing to be single?
    A: It depends on who you talk to.

    I know that in the last few years of my life, I've spent a majority of it being single, with a lot of it by choice. Truth is, when I make myself available, dating comes somewhat easily. However, honestly, being single has had it challenges such as: (but not limited t0)
    - Dateless nights
    - No permanent cuddle buddy (especially a bummer for cold Chicago winters)
    - Fostering bouts or moments of insecurity

    And then there are the benefits, such as: (but not limited t0)
    - Freedom of moving at your leisure
    - The ability to "shop" for who you want
    - Having time for yourself

    Either way, I've remembered one main thing: that when it's going to happen, all the elements will come together the way they should at that moment.

    Anyway, it's this same topic that The Frisky is tackling today. Check out the post: Social Stigma For Single Women | The Frisky

    I mean, what do you think?

    Breaking Old Habits

    Every so often, we find ourselves revisiting a certain type of situation because it's comfortable. An old flame, memories, whatever. And, when it's one of those "what if" situations...Well, you just can't help but wonder. 

    Anyway, even though I took to spring cleaning a lot out of my life, I noticed some of those "missed spots" surfacing back into my life -- in the form of Lionel.

    Now here's the thing: when I decided that I was done putting myself out there (and told him so), he was hell bent on making it up to me. And I, in the spirit of being an eternal optimist decided that I would take our history (and the fact that I find him so very cute) into account and hear him out. 

    So far, nothing's changed. And not that I expected it would, but I'd say it all came in full circle when my colleague Darren reminded me of a saying by Maya Angelou. Essentially, when people show you who they are, believe them.

    Then it just clicked for me, as I remembered that an old dog doesn't learn new tricks... And the more things change, the more they remain the same. Hence, a replay of the same ol' game. 

    I guess it's true. Old habits really do die hard.

    Photo Credit: PhotoXpress/Marvin Gerste

    Tuesday, March 23, 2010

    Reasons for Houdini Tricks

    It's easy to wonder why, just when you think a guy is into you, he just -- *POOF* -- disappears. Just as quickly as he was sending those sweet text messages, or flirting with you on your last date, he's vapor. And in turn, the first thing that is easy to assume is that what you may have done or said may have made him change his tune.

    Instead -- and here's a crazy idea -- I'm thinking it's helpful to wonder got into him to, ah, "redirect" his attention.

    I found myself having this conversation with one of my closest girlfriends, Katrina. We were talking dating when she explained that the guy with whom she had a great date with just disappeared... Only to bring his new date to a mutual friend's function. Incidentally, the same friend through which they first met. 

    In any event, this raised some questions for me, with the main one being what causes a guy to lose interest. So, while the items I'm outlining below aren't in stone (and I am open to any additional theories you may have), I've found in my extensive "research" that there are some reoccuring themes:

    (1) He already knows he's not feeling it: Let's just get the painful one out of the way. I've been told on several occasions that for the time it takes a woman to make up her mind about a man, a guy's already decided in half that time whether he's into you. So if he's not feeling it, he'll be less enthused about sticking around for the long haul.

    (2) He's met someone else: This happens all too often. He's into you, things are going well... And suddenly someone just blows his mind -- so much so that suddenly he's stopped calling you. Just. Like. That.

    (3) You didn't seem into it: Yes, yes, yes! Lack of interest can make a guy vanish faster than a thief in the night. Some type of "hard to get" is OK (for the guy that likes a chase)... But, when you just seem to be outright bored or unengaged, it's enough to make a guy wonder if you're into him at all.

    Where there are several things that ultimately factor into why a man disappears, the main point here is that he's disappeared. And, any man that can disappear that quickly may not have been worth breaking much of a sweat over anyway, right? 


    Photo Credit: Stray_Cat/PhotoXpress