Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Spring Cleaning

Isn't it a breath of fresh air when you've cleaned out your closet, after you realize how much junk you've been collecting -- and for no other reason than you're afraid to throw things away?

I'd say so. And that's the best analogy I had when thinking about old flames and what it means to remove their phone numbers in my cell phone. 

See, many people are clutter bugs -- keeping all the old junk because it's comfortable. Heck, I'll own my own clutter tendencies. But, I'm finding that's collecting and cluttering is what you don't want to do when you're trying to move on. And keeping their numbers is a prime example of collecting the excess.

For a while, I tried changing the names of all old exes to "IGNORE", so if the number called me, I knew it was someone I should not be speaking to. But, that didn't work all that well either, given the fact that I KNEW the number thus allowing me to stay in touch if I wanted.

So when Casanova reached out -- and I responded -- I considered doing a bit of housekeeping... And, then, when I started getting super short answers from Jackson, and slow to no responses from Lionel, I realized it was high time I purge the phone book of the men that likely won't be resurfacing in my life.

So in one shot, Jackson, Lionel and the Casanova disappeared from my phone book. (We were actually rooting for Jackson, right? Yeah, maybe not...)

Now, I know it doesn't seem like much. But for me, the ability to delete them is symbolic, in a way. Basically, it states that I won't give anyone the time that doesn't give me the time -- sticking to the principle that silence does indeed speak volumes.

Image Credit: Angela Kohler/Photoxpress

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Non-Negotiables

Just this week, Marisol and I were having some dinner when we spent some time talking about one of her colleagues, Shelly (who I've been out with before), and some of her recent dating experiences. This opened up the floodgates for Marisol and I to discuss the deal breakers. You know -- what you will not give on when dating someone. 

Later that night and since then, I've found myself thinking about that very thing. What are my "deal breakers" when dating someone?

Truth is, I think it's a good thing to have those set things you need in a companion: if you know yourself, then you know what you will and won't be happy with -- thus reducing the chances of you lowering your standards. What good is it if you compromise what you want for what you think you can live with? That's no fun.

For me, based on the plethora of stories I've shared on this blog, I've started to consider the times I've compromised, and the times I haven't yielded, realizing that I've been too extreme on either side (too flexible or too unyielding). These days, I find myself shutting down so I don't have to choose at all. 

Either way you go, you set the pace for your own dating fate when you set up too many non-negotiables. So, it may be worth to examine them if you have 'em -- or create them if you don't -- so you're doing the weeding process you need to do for you... It's hard enough to find a mate without us complicating it for ourselves. 

Gotta love the dating rollercoaster.

Photo credit: Photoxpress/mearicon