Saturday, February 13, 2010

Not So Chance Encounters

In all my time dating in the ever booming Chicago social scene (half kidding here, folks), I can say that I've rarely had run-ins with any old flames. With the exception of maybe Charles (see here, here, here and here for reference) who happened to live in my neighborhood and work within close proximity of me, I've been lucky to dodge most of the men that have come and gone in my life.

Well, most of them.

See, I'm not one to be too superstitious. However, truth be told, I don't believe in simple coincidences when something -- or someone -- keep resurfacing in your life. On the contrary, those are the very things that to me are flags that the universe is trying to tell me something.

But I digress. Besides, that's a whole other conversation.

Anyway, I was out at a networking event, having a pretty good time when I spotted a man that I recognized right away. Slick smile, dark eyes, nice build... In short I was smitten, and the feeling had been an all-too-familiar one -- like I'd seen this guy before -- and that he'd had the same effect on me then.

So, seeing as how I'm on this boldness kick for 2010, I asked him if I knew him (literally, "Have we met before?"), acknowledging how cliche I may have sounded. And, when he spoke, I knew.

I'd met the guy, Martin, while I was out on the town more than three years ago. We'd met at a Friday night social at one of the city's museums and hit it off (so I thought). Traded numbers and made plans to meet. But that never materialized.

I had long put it out of my mind when I met him a second time, more than 6 months later. That exchange wasn't so nice. But admittedly I was still drawn to him (and that smile). Nothing ever came of that, so I again put it out of my head.

So, with all that time passed and all that's transpired since then, he was the furthest thing from my mind. And seeing him again? I was completely taken aback. But curious all the same, which is why I approached him.

Anyway, what came after that was some superficial conversation -- I mean, I decided I needed to keep it light and breezy so he wouldn't know that I still thought he was HOT. Because truth was, I did.

So it was while I was trying to play it cool that he pulls out his phone, showing me he still had my number saved. And this made me chuckle:

Me: It's cute you have it in there. But it's not like you used it.
Him: Yeah, but I have it. I'm not a deleter.... Seriously, I'm sorry about then but this is now.
Me: Of course. It's a different time. And if you want to find me, then at least I know you know how. But that's all you.
Him: Well I'll do that.
Me: (shrugging) We'll see.

And that's it. It parted with a very "up in the air" vibe. But this time that's OK. Because I realize now that the mistake I made the last two times I met him was putting too much stock into the idea of him. Instead, all I needed to do was NOT do the typical thing -- invest too much time in the possibility of being with him. (Isn't hindsight 20/20?) In the meantime, not holding my breath.

See! You date enough and you learn a thing or two.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

For Love of the Drama

In the world of dating, when one door closes, another one often opens rather quickly. Now, usually, that's a good thing.

Operative term there is "usually." And, while we know the logical thing to do when it comes to our dating lives (i.e. when to say yes or no, what people we should let into our lives or when we should stay away from someone with baggage), we as people ultimately like to get at least a little close to the fire -- for the thrill if nothing else.

Granted, I think this skews heavily female. But based on the whirlwind week, and my tendency to revisit my past every so often (during dry spells or just because), I'd wager to say that even I have an occasional taste for the drama... Just getting at least a little close to things... Thinking it may be fun.

See, since Jackson, I've somehow managed to get myself into a mess of attention, some of which I'm not helping by fanning the flames just a bit. I'd have to call this a case of "When-It-Rains-It-Pours" Syndrome. What this taste of drama has looked like for me this week?
  • An old flame, Juan (who I've mentioned here and here), has somehow decided he doesn't completely out of my life -- or he wants to keep playing our games -- by reaching back out to have me over to his new place. He's been thinking about me, he says. Can't wait to see me, he says. Verdict? Yeah, skeptical. Been down this road. It sucks that he's so cute, though.
  • Vincent decides to profess his love for me. Oh, and that he's still hellbent on being together. Verdict says here that this could get so very intense. Once it sounded like it was a nice idea... But I don't know that I'm headed down that road yet -- or, not with him...
  • I meet a very handsome guy while out on the town, Matt. He's flirting, things seem light and fun... And then he tells me he has a girlfriend. Sigh. Much like a night I've experienced before.
  • And then there's Jackson. Yes, Yes, I know... And as luck would have it, things didn't go as he planned. So he called. Was he trying to win me back? No. But, he seemed to want to close the loop, and have us evolve into something -- if I wanted. Truth here is that he'd still been on my mind... And I'm not opposed to that idea at all. Mind you -- not too keen on being a second fiddle. But, well, maybe it's OK to take a chance. After all, he didn't need to find me.
I mean, I'm not the only one. I mean, I can tell you that many of my girls (Marisol and Caroline included) seem to end up in tricky little hurdles that require a bit of "management" -- a guy that's too young, or a guy that likes her too much (YES that is a problem) or a guy with too much baggage... Ugh.

But it's the drama. And it makes things a little exciting -- sometimes.

What can we say about the drama situation? Not sure. But my theory is I'll totally be over it the second I fall pretty hard for a guy.

Now, just waiting for that to happen....