Thursday, January 28, 2010

The One After The One

Earlier this week, I was having lunch with my boss, mentor and friend who I'll call Rochelle. In catching up on life, I started to talk about my dating life and the impact that my first love, Charles, had on my life.

After I told the story, Rochelle made a strong and interesting observation: After you find "The One," can you be happy with another "The One"?

I know, I know... Huh?

Well, let's look at a well-known couple: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. For years, we swore they were happy, from couple status to marriage. But then, when Brad started working with Angelina, everything changed and he and Jen were over. And that's when the world took sides. "Team Aniston" or "Team Jolie" it was, as people decided which woman was really the love of Brad Pitt's life.

Now, rumors are swirling about whether or not Brad and Angelina will last... And regardless, it's clear that no relationship is as steadfast as we think. So, was he better off being with Angelina in the long run?

Another example? Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo. After breaking up with Nick Lachey, they each went their separate ways... And Jessica told the world she was in love with Tony. But the break-up headlines and being called a jinx? Personally I thought Nick seemed like the better pick.

The point here is simply this: Sometimes, leaving someone for someone that may be the one may be a hit or miss.

I guess that's where you're taking a leap of faith, isn't it?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Games Boys Play

How honest would you want someone to be with you about what they want?

Part of the problem in the dating world are the games we all play. You know what I'm talking about. Meeting someone, thinking you've forged a connection... And the anticipation after the encounter, wondering if you'll hear from them again, if they were into you... Only to be followed by intense disappointment when it didn't work out the way you wanted it to.

Now, off the bat -- and forgive me for this -- this is something that more directly seems to apply to the ladies. As much as I believe that women can and should be empowered to go after what they want in the dating world, by and large, it's women who are more likely to fuss over a guy that doesn't call over a man that doesn't hear from a girl after he's given her his number.

That said, it doesn't mean that a woman wouldn't be open to honesty. Or at least, that's what a conversation with my girls Marisol and Caroline revealed this evening. We were sitting in Caroline's living room when it all came out, after Marisol shared with us that she was disappointed that Karaoke Boy failed to call her after their meeting the previous weekend. And that's when the floodgates opened, leading to a bunch of random tales and rant sessions that can only happen among your girls. Then, she asked a simple question: "Why ask for my number if you don't plan to use it? I would much rather prefer a guy be straight up than to play games. At least that's honest and I don't waste my time trying to get to know him to only find out he only wants to hook up."

While Caroline didn't quite feel she'd want the kind of honesty Marisol was talking about, I have to admit that I did get Marisol's point -- and I agreed. Soon, I found myself thinking back to times I met a guy, had him ask for my number only never to call and wondering why he even bothered in the first place. Isn't it just more honest to put everything on the table and see if she'd even be game for what's he up to? These days, it seems that both sides can play that game.

I know that many people wouldn't want to hear that someone only wants them for one thing. But, I would imagine it would be just as damaging to the ego to not hear from the guy whom you thought was totally into you over those cranberry vodkas you had until four in the morning, convinced he was just as into you as you were into him. And the non-call makes it loud and clear that the intentions weren't mutual.

As long as the human species continues to date, this will always be an issue. But I'd like to make a small plea to start cutting through the bull, and level on what it is you want. Who knows? Without the game playing, you may end up getting what you really want from a person who thinks the same way sans the drama.

Unless you're into your life playing out like a 90210 love triangle.

Image Credit: Agent Double Deuce