Friday, January 15, 2010

After the YES

So a little while ago, I confessed to having a crush on a guy who I'll call Nicholas. I've known the guy for a little while, and now that he was single (and it's a new year), I decided to toss my hat into the ring and take my chances. If he dug me, cool. If not... Well, I was hoping like a nervous wreck.

Anyway, I'd meant to ask him out when I saw him in person. But because it was a loud, crazy night, there was no such luck. So, I sent him a quick e-mail. Nothing elaborate -- just mentioned I wanted to see him and hoped we could get drinks.

His response? That we could definitely do it -- things would be a little nutty for a bit, but we'll make it work.

So now I'm at a point where (a) I wonder if he's aware of the fact that I actually like him and asked him out as more than a "friend" thing and (b) whether it's worth keeping the lines of communication up to our proposed "date."

Since I'm a little out of practice on asking the guy out, I'm admittedly a little rusty at this. But the way I see it...

(1) In all the time I've known him, I've never asked him out, nor do we run in any of the same social circles on a regular basis. Therefore, it's not farfetched that he may have an idea that I like him.

(2) I thought telling him too much up front (such as "I've been pining for you for a while") would be a little freaky. Instead, I thought keeping my mouth shut would allow me to tell him on the date if the vibe is there, or chalk it up to two pals getting together.

(3) Because he mentioned being caught up for a couple of weeks and since I made the first move, it would be a good idea to let it marinate for a bit since the date is already on the table.

Oy. So many things to consider. So what's a girl to do?

How's (d) Understanding all of the above, let things fall where they may. The rest will work out how it should.

At least, that seems to make the most sense...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Dreamin' Up Intimacy

In this winter season, keeping warm ends up being especially important. Me -- I have Snuggies and a teddy that most times do the trick. Although, honestly, at other times that isn't quite enough. No... Sometimes you need more.

Now, people deal with this kind of need in all sorts of ways. Some go wild and hook-up with someone whom they know little about, just to be able to dismiss it... Some have consistent f*** buddies to lean on from time to time... And others rely on a more personal, self-satisfaction. (*nudge, nudge, wink, wink*)

Honestly, while I still prefer an actual guy (of course, barring any major physical or emotional complications... Wait, that's a laughable idea.), I've come to find a deep satisfaction in the things that can't turn you down. You know: books, daydreams... In those you can create or imagine your own world with a leading man that can turn you on in the way that works for you.

Don't misunderstand. This isn't to replace a real man -- a mission that I consider ongoing. But, sometimes, it's good to stretch the imagination and dream up things in the way they'll work for you -- especially when the pickings are slim, which they seem to be for me at the moment. I'm even finding it a bit harder to meet men these days, likely due to the hibernation effect that winter creates.

So, while I keep my options open, I'll work on conjuring up appealing images or indulging in romance novels. Those are smoother to get through, and you don't have to worry about awkward conversation beforehand.

The way I see it, it'll work for now. But during Spring? Well, that's a little different.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Digital Footprints & Bitter Love

As some of my favorite relationship bloggers tell the stories of the online dating world (check out an ongoing series in Sex-Lies-Dating and a recent post by Single City Guy), I realize that technology and the ability to stay connected really does govern our interactions. We get 24/7 engagement to people and their social networking profiles... And we get to choose how much or little we want to see of them. I mean, can you see how this would seem to give away to online stalking?

And the crazy thing is -- we justify it as being "interested" in the developments of a person's life. Simply brilliant, if you ask me.

So, in the case of a break up or a crush isn't returned (trolling for dates is one thing -- things ending or never happening is another), we're talking painfulness to the max. That's why when a friend and reader, MissDTM sent this New York Times story along, I just shook my head in complete agreement. When you have the instantaneous nature of the internet, letting go is anything but easy.

My friend Amy, who broke up with her ex a little while back, has started seeing someone new. And, while she's really into the new guy, her ex, Charlie, continues to pop up from time to time, which gets awkward since they share so many of the same friends. In any event, she noticed that a whole bunch of photos surfaced on Facebook -- many of them including him with her friends, and even a couple with his new girlfriend. While she's over him, (and with a new man) it didn't make seeing those photos any easier, especially given the similar circles they run in.

The truth is, while I am a HUGE fan of the new digital age, the downside is that too much contact won't allow for the type of healing and distance you many need, especially from an ex. With newsfeeds and constant updates, you can go months without talking to someone but know exactly what they're up to. Now that's intense.

It's times like this I almost wish we weren't as advanced as we are. Almost.

Image Credit: JupiterMedia