Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Bedtime Play

Just the other night, I managed to catch one of the earliest episodes of the ever popular Sex and the City -- specifically about the idea of whether women can have sex "like men," or without feeling and attachment. While this is not a new topic, and has since been discussed all sorts of ways (including the Today Show) it's still an age old question and what it comes down to: are women able to really have sex in a carefree, breezy way?

On a personal level, this has been quite the obstacle for me. While I have been able to just "roll with the punches," I generally don't feel all that great about the idea that someone I connect with physically won't be around tomorrow. And that, I'd argue, has to do with my personal belief that intimate acts between two people should come from some type of feeling beyond the instant heat that drives most people.

I've been told by many a guy friend that it's easier for them to separate the physical act and sensation (or the strict act of sex) from the emotional connection (or the lovemaking). While I understand the argument, I guess I've always thought that I could not do that kind of thing unless my feelings ran deeper than an urge.

Don't get it twisted -- I have my stories. (**Who doesn't?**) But, I prefer to save my best seduction style for the mate that will keep me fired up way beyond lighting the firecracker if you know what I mean.

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Monday, January 4, 2010

Lessons From A 52-Week Hunt For "The One"

Just this evening, I came across one story about a woman who gave up her search for love this year, after her one-year aggressive online campaign failed. Apparently, through this very thorough site, she posted weekly videos, kept a daily blog, and even maintained weekly goals, not to mention connected with supporters through various social media channels. In turn, the site garnered press on some A-list media outlets and landed her tons of dates -- but no man of her dreams. Now, she's taking a little sabbatical from the active dating campaign she launched a year ago.

While I thought her way of pursuing it was quite bold, I admire her mentality and approach to all of it: Never giving up hope that maybe, just maybe, if you allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone, you can at least open yourself up to a world of possibilities that restore your faith in dating.

I have to admit... The fact that she opened herself up this way makes me realize that maybe I'm not doing as much as I can... Or at least that I shouldn't cut myself off yet. After all, you never know.

And, this quest also reminded me of one other important thing: that as hard as it is, you can't make any one man responsible for the fault of those before him.

Who knew all that could come from a search like this one?

Image Credit: NewOrleansCVB

Sunday, January 3, 2010

And They Say It's Just a Crush...

So here's the truth: In my dating experiences, I can count the number of times I've approached a guy first on one hand, if that. And I think that's mainly due to fear of rejection although with the release of He's Just Not That Into You, I came to adopt the mentality that a man should want to ask me out (if he wants me, of course). Which is true, I suppose, because it feeds the idea of the chase.

Anyway, what does a girl do when she has a crush? Does she just say something and take her chances? Or, does she hope he comes around after dropping a zillion hints (or none)?

Well, admittedly, I've pulled away from being too honest -- for fear of being hurt (which HAS happened, let me tell you). But is it worth the suspense of never knowing at all?

Back in college, I had a crush on a guy, Justin. I kept it a secret for 13 MONTHS. And, when I finally asked him out, he accepted. And, we had a nice time but it was clear there were no sparks. At all. But, we did manage to stay good friends throughout college. It just took more than a year to get there.

Now, I find myself in a similar predicament. Nursing a crush I've had for a while... Trying to figure out whether I say something or not. And wanting to make sure it doesn't mess up the cool vibe that's been established between us.

So, to flip the script from my usual course of action, I've decided to just say something. And, if he's into me, then lucky, lucky him. :-) If not... Well, at least I can put this crush to bed. Making room for the man that actually wants to be with me.

Don't worry. I'll keep you posted.

Image Credit: SaberChaser