Friday, May 14, 2010

Sexy or Scary: The Aggressive Factor

Friday, May 14, 2010
Just a few nights ago, I had the pleasure of being out after work to grab a quick drink with a good friend, Tasha. It was a really impromptu thing so we were both less than polished -- and ended up at one of the trendiest spots in the city, filled with gorgeous men and very attractive pro-athletes. In short, a dream scenario for most women... Except for the fact that we weren't quite prepared for the scene. 

However, the story here isn't about either one of us. Instead, it was about a woman seated two tables over, who, while appropriately dressed, was loud in personality and exuded an overwhelming confidence to the point of arrogance. Don't misunderstand -- I appreciate a little swagger as I've mentioned before... But never have I been impressed with over the top behavior, and this woman, with her exaggerated walk, hair, make-up and laugh was trying HARD to capture the attention of the people around us. 

In any event, when one star athlete walks outside to begin taking publicity photos, this woman gets up from her rather large group, runs over to where the athlete and the photographer are, and puts her arm around his waist. She tells him she's photogenic and would love a couple of images with him that she thinks will add a nice touch. Soon, she's being snapped left and right with this guy holding her tight and clearly appreciating just how hard she was flirting with him. 

At the end of the session, she pretty much hovers over him, hands on his chest and arms, and then strolls back to the table only to tell the people she's with that she's got a date lined up with him. 


Her: So I have a date, I have a date!

Her Friend: Oh, that's great! When?

Her: Well he's going to call me to figure it out. 

Now, whether or not he's called her? Couldn't tell you. How attractive she was? Also irrelevant.  However, here what I did ask myself is whether that worked enough to prompt him to call her. In turn, this raises the question of whether aggressiveness really does land the guy.

There are a couple of ways to think about this. For example, not too long ago I engaged in the discussion of the lengths a guy goes through to get a woman into bed, concluding that from one angle, it's about the thrill of the game. And it could have been for her, too. However, when the woman is aggressive and strikes because of the superficial... Is it about a thrill? Is that confidence? Does that get her noticed? Moreover, does a man respond to that?

As a woman, I know for a fact that I don't respond to pushy men. Confidence, yes, but not pushy. That's one fine line, but distinguishable. 


Overall: Essentially it's OK to be assertive when you want something. All for it. However -- and this is just a shot in the dark -- I would think playing it cool while holding your own would go a lot further. It just seems to show control. And maybe it's me, but I would think a guy would find it hot to pursue a woman who just knows she's fly...

To illustrate the point, might I recommend a song? Check out "Miss Independent", Ne-Yo

Photo Credit: PhotoXpress/Lev Dolgatshjov

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