Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Reasons for Houdini Tricks

It's easy to wonder why, just when you think a guy is into you, he just -- *POOF* -- disappears. Just as quickly as he was sending those sweet text messages, or flirting with you on your last date, he's vapor. And in turn, the first thing that is easy to assume is that what you may have done or said may have made him change his tune.

Instead -- and here's a crazy idea -- I'm thinking it's helpful to wonder got into him to, ah, "redirect" his attention.

I found myself having this conversation with one of my closest girlfriends, Katrina. We were talking dating when she explained that the guy with whom she had a great date with just disappeared... Only to bring his new date to a mutual friend's function. Incidentally, the same friend through which they first met. 

In any event, this raised some questions for me, with the main one being what causes a guy to lose interest. So, while the items I'm outlining below aren't in stone (and I am open to any additional theories you may have), I've found in my extensive "research" that there are some reoccuring themes:

(1) He already knows he's not feeling it: Let's just get the painful one out of the way. I've been told on several occasions that for the time it takes a woman to make up her mind about a man, a guy's already decided in half that time whether he's into you. So if he's not feeling it, he'll be less enthused about sticking around for the long haul.

(2) He's met someone else: This happens all too often. He's into you, things are going well... And suddenly someone just blows his mind -- so much so that suddenly he's stopped calling you. Just. Like. That.

(3) You didn't seem into it: Yes, yes, yes! Lack of interest can make a guy vanish faster than a thief in the night. Some type of "hard to get" is OK (for the guy that likes a chase)... But, when you just seem to be outright bored or unengaged, it's enough to make a guy wonder if you're into him at all.

Where there are several things that ultimately factor into why a man disappears, the main point here is that he's disappeared. And, any man that can disappear that quickly may not have been worth breaking much of a sweat over anyway, right? 


Photo Credit: Stray_Cat/PhotoXpress


  1. Brilliant post.

  2. Last year a guy disappeared on me. I went through wondering what happened, what I did, etc. I later read in the paper that he had gone to jail!

  3. So true! I think we girls overanalyze too much. Dating is supposed to be fun - that's how most guys see it. If he's into you in the same way - you'll feel it (most of the time anyway)


  4. Ha! I don't care for the disappearing act. If I text or call a guy, he should have the decency to text me back and say, thanks but no thanks. Although I admit I didn't do this a few times when I wasn't feeling it. But we all need to have some respect for each other.

  5. @Anonymous -- Thanks for the feedback!

    @Abby -- I would say that's a case of a very unique and uncommon situation...

    @Chennifer -- I think you summed it up very nicely. When a guy's into you, there's no reading between the lines. It just is what it is!

    @Kelly -- I agree. But sometimes, I'm thinking that it's easier for a guy to not deal than to acknowledge that they could (possibly) hurt someone. It's "unneeded drama" or something. Why face it head on when you can avoid it?

    See, now that's frustrating...

  6. Agreed! If he vanished, don't even give it a second thought. All that matters is that he's no longer there. The hows or whys are completely irrelevant.


  7. @Anonymous -- Thanks! I agree. But every so often someone has their kryptonite (I know I do! Check out one of my posts from today!) But then it's the repeat and same ol' same ol' that just reminds you that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. And once a guy is set, he's set in his ways... But do you think a woman can make a man change his ways? I know my brother did an about face when he met my sister-in-law. But he was SPRUNG... And that's not common.

  8. I'll give you a real life experience. A minute, during prayer in church, a girl, not someone I'm even close to interlocked her fingers in mine while praying. Maybe not for most, but for me, this is a reserved interface. Then it reminded me of a few years ago, while out with friends another distant acquaintance walked up behind me and just held on several times during the day evening while a group of us were out about town. That time I was interested but we just didn't connect. A few months later she was pregnant (probably happened a little over a month after the day we were out).

    Well guess what, the girl holding my hand in church ended up pregnant a few months later. I saw this as a mere coincidence. Two weeks ago, while at church a friend and I were talking while a girl came up and was really friendly to him. In my mind I thought, he'd better watch her, she'll probably end up pregnant in a few months. Just as I was completing the thought, he said it out loud and while noting he wasn't trying to be the daddy. I'd never mentioned this to anyone and really didn't give it much credence, but as we talked about it, its clear, there's a pattern sometimes. It's nothing grand or diabolical and may just boil down to simple chemistry.

    There's just plain looking and then there's looking for you. The long lost love thing, conceptualizes the possibility, nay the hope of someone in the world in search of you specifically. It sounds good and probably feels great when and if it happens.

    Yet so many of those, bad timing and missed attempted connections clearly show that most times, its probably more about who's available than and crosses your path, in the open frame of mind than anything else. True its not romantic, but its not personal either and I mean that both ways.

    This is an equal opportunity phenomena. I've had contact and spark and while I was busy considering, sometimes another cat just ambles up and suddenly she's his. We had eye contact and chemistry, but in the end, it was less about me, than just somebody.

  9. @Aurelius: I think you said something that struck a cord with me: "Thre's just plain looking and then there's looking for you." When you factor in timing, chance, state of mind and any other factors that play into meeting someone, it really does come down to the order of events that happen between a man and a woman... And how ready you are to make the leap with a person who may or may not be the one.

    But based on what I know, when a person wants another person, they're usually willing to put whatever reservations aside and at least ride the wave... Just on the off chance that the person may be the one they're really looking for.

  10. I did a Houdini. She didnt seem to be interested. Put my name into Google. You will find me in Paris