Saturday, March 27, 2010

Back in the Game

Every time we step into the dating ring, we're taking a chance with our hearts. And, whether they turn out to be a great match, the loves of our lives, jerks or just good friends, we owe it to ourselves to find out which of any of these they can be.

But, if you've endured some of the icky sides of dating, you'll know that there's no way to be certain of someone's intentions. And, as I've found myself saying all too recently, it's your current state that impacts what and who you attract.

In any event, I found myself grappling with these very emotions on a first date this weekend. He was gorgeous, charming, smart, successful and a gentleman, bringing me an origami flower when he came to meet me. And, as the night grew, I felt the attraction stir within me, enjoying every moment.

 So when the end of the night came and he walked me home,  I was sure that I wanted to see him again... Which immediately made me nervous. And, when he told me that he wanted to see where things went and didn't want to rush it because he was new to the game again, I was immediately pleased -- and confused. Not to say that I wanted to speed through it. But instead of basking in his gentlemanly approach, I questioned whether that was his way of playing some type of game with me. And instead, the night ended with a gentle kiss and the hope for more.

Later that night, as I tried to sleep, I replayed the evening in my head, questioning his actions and whether he was as into me as he said he was. And the second my mind went there... That's when I checked myself.

Had I internalized all the experiences of guys past that I couldn't even enjoy and appreciate a man that I actually liked wanting to take things slow? Why was I rushing the gratification or the thrill of the first time? I'd done that a couple of times before and learned all too soon that I was rushing it because I was sure that this great feeling would disappear. But, it was all the more thrilling when we did take it to the next level. Hell, it was like my birthday and 4th of July on the same day.

Now, here it was again, right in front of me, and the first thing that freaked me out was whether I'd see him again, only because I was remembering guys before him.

In the meantime, because I like him, and want to see where this goes, I'm going to ride this out and trust it. It'll make it that much more explosive if something does happen.

And if not, at least it was a fun Friday night.

Photo Credit: Paul Paladin/PhotoXpress

1 comment: