Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Heart of the Matter

This evening, I was talking to my dad, which is interesting -- he and I have a somewhat strained relationship, possibly because we're lots alike. 

Anyway, tonight was interesting because we got into a conversation about my love life. Now, while I know this is a weird conversation with my father, he did make mention that while he thought I had a "tough skin" that I inherited from him, that my softer, dreamier side, comes from my mother (May she rest in peace). 

 "Deep down, that tender, softer, hopeful side of you... That's your mother," he said. "But you shield your heart. And it'll take a special guy to tear that down."


Warning: Truthful revelation ahead!

Now, this made me quiet. Truth is, as much as I hate to admit it... He's right. By default, I do tend to have a rough outer shell. But, deep down, I'm a sentimental type. I dream, too. And I'm super scared of getting hurt. I mean, who isn't?

That said, I found myself thinking about Single City Guy's post, and Jackson. Honestly, I've spent lots more time than I care to admit abiding by the rules in dating and love. But lately, for the first time in a while, with Jackson... I thought I could entertain the idea of throwing the rules away with him.  But the last time I allowed myself to get so caught up, it stung. Badly. So I was treading lightly. Guess that didn't go too well.

Admittedly, even though I am still nursing the bruises... It's because I may have been into the situation more than I realize.

Damn. It bugs me to admit that.

Things have been quiet between us so I'm guessing this chapter is closed. But I guess I'm wishing it wasn't...


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