Sunday, February 28, 2010

Ghosts of Lovers Past

A few nights ago, I was walking home from a long day out and out when I bumped into someone that made me do a double take -- Lionel. As a bit of context, I met him and we went out on a mostly rockin' date. Then things turned.... Eh, not so great. Despite it, I still liked him, and I'd always imagined what could happen if we got over the little hurdle of an icky first date.


Anyway, later that night, I found myself thinking about the "What Ifs" and wondering how the order of the men in my life have impacted how I've treated the ones after them: Did I tolerate Reggie, Juan or the Casanova because I was still reeling from the difficulty of losing Charles? Or was I scared of Dave because of the possibility of what could happen between us?


My mind drifted over the moments (and I mean ALL of the moments) with old flames, reflecting on the past issues, the questions and the "What Ifs" that haunt someone when taking up with someone new. Each time, a little bit of the previous relationship is left behind -- or kind of like "ghosts" of your exes.


Is it possible to move on? Of course it is. People do it every day. It's like an exorcisms after a break-up. Heck, that's what recovery is about. But, in the same turn, is it possible to really blast all remnants of lovers past?


So far, I haven't been able to escape those ghosts -- well, not fully. I still fantasize about my times with Charles every so often, or dream about the maybes with Juan. I also still wonder what would happen if things with Lionel ever picked up again.  


Instead of trying to run from my old flames, I aim to make peace with parts of my past: accept a situation for what it is, make no current love interest responsible for old experiences and hold on to the fun things as sweet and savory memories so I can appreciate the relationship for what it was.


What I'm making a practice of is trying not to use one dating example as completely absolute of all future dating situations. Otherwise, no man stands a chance. 




Image Credit: 123RF

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