Thursday, November 19, 2009

Random Thoughts: Telephone Courtship

If there's any part of my life I like a little variety in, it's my dating life. I've dated all sorts of men that I've met in all sorts of settings -- which have made for very fun stories (hence, the blog!).

However, at one point, I was going through such a dry spell that I took another route: online dating. Granted, while it's a more normal way of being, I personally still crave the thrill of meeting someone for the first time in person, when a look or a smile sets the gears in motion.

We met earlier this year on line and had a great set of conversations for several weeks. Just talk for hours and hours... And about everything. It just seemed so natural and I would argue that it was intensified because it was on the phone.

Anyway, we met once, had a great time and continued to talk... And talk... And talk... And talk... All on the phone. That was it. Lots of talking, some recycling of conversation.... But just talking. Soon, all we were having were phone conversations. Making plans to meet, mind you. But not actually meeting. Sure, I'd plan, and so would he, but we would ultimately cancel.

He gave me a call today and I started at the phone, confused. It was the first time in quite some time we've played the phone game, so either I was really on his mind or the other lady he may have met (reason for which he probably stopped calling) may have disappeared and he figured he would pick up where we left off.

For me, I think this boils down to something pretty simple: If we were going to move beyond the "Telephone Courtship" we would have, despite work schedules and even some distance (he lives just outside of the city). Well, at least I'd hope so after 9 months.

My Takeaway? When a guy is interested, he'll want more than the sound of my voice to comfort him... And, meeting in person would be sexier than any "phone" I could give him.

Yep, I'd say so. For sure.

I mean, what else does it say when a phone relationship, while wonderful, doesn't go beyond the phone?

Simply put, I'd say that screams "Not Interested." But that's me...

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

"Slapped" Into Somethin' Good

So these last few days, while recovering from being terribly under the weather (and confined to my couch), I've been corresponding with Keith, a reader who had a"bad-situation-turned-good" with the object of his affection, a lovely young woman he met while out one night a few days ago. While I have several emails that replay his particular situation, I'll break it down so it's easily digestible, along with the take-aways and the lessons. After all, I think this one makes for a great story of what can happen when a guy is focused!

A Bad Impression: When meeting a woman at a party, they seemed to really hit it off -- they even made a date! However, the script changed when he told her she had a "nice, full hourglass figure," which he thought was a compliment. Instead, she was offended, taking it to mean that she was fat and she slapped him.

My Thoughts Here: While I don't think this is a bad thing (I like the fact that I have a shape), some women may not be comfortable with references to things that imply anything less than "skinny" or "slender." Plus, if she's uncomfortable with her weight and has her own cultural ideas about her body and sexuality, these would be even harder to explain.

Getting Back in the Game (Round 2): Not giving up, he wrote her to apologize. She not only accepted the apology, but went out to coffee with him, where they talked all about it. Turns out that she felt both self-conscious about her weight and a little hyper-sexualized, disappointed that guy she liked was seeing her in such a physical way. But, what she appreciated about him is the fact that he bounced back from the slap, and seemed into her enough to try again.

Since Then: He's e-mailed her, and they even went on another date, with her sister in tow, possibly to feel him out (and which he welcomed!). However, the potential seems great and they're definitely building on the chemistry from the first night before things went awry.

Conclusion? While Keith may have made an initial blunder, he set out to make it right because he wanted the girl. And, because he focused and put his pride aside, things look like they're headed in the right direction, and he's been able to move beyond the bad impression.

The Little Lessons That Keith's Story Enforces:
(a) A Compliment to One is Not a Compliment to All. (This one is especially for the guys!)
(b) It IS possible to recover from a bad first impression.
(b) When a Man Wants You, He Chases. No Questions Asked.

Just goes to show... Sometimes, it can end up with a bow on top! Well, sometimes...