Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Pre-Dating: The Courting Thing

When we date, we take our chances that the people we meet will be "date-able" -- or, people that are worthy of our time and getting to know better. In order to do that though, we've become conditioned to playing by a set of rules or screening methods, upon which we must make this educated guess.

While people use different criteria to assess who they would date, the truth is that by and large, determining dating can lead to one of two very general paths: (1) Become nothing more than a series of dates or a one nighter (2) Grow into something based on a series of dates, where the intimacy comes with time, or courting.

So now let's take a look at these two options:

One Nighter: Often said to be a shortcut to ending things if it's done before you've had a chance to build with other people. And, how often do relationships grow out of those one nighters?

Admittedly, while we are in a new day and age, I think this one is tricky. There's no time limit on when it's appropriate to have sex, per say. But without knowing the person, is it possible to have the sex be anything more than... Well, sex?

Courting: This is when you get to know the person and all those quirky things come up: Can I date someone that works that much? Are they attractive enough? Do we have enough to talk about? Do they seem smarter than I am? Is he/she good enough for me? And the questions continue.

Essentially, while on dates to the movies, or just a drink, you're getting to know these things as well as the fun stuff: Does he/she take their coffee with milk and sugar or just black? Does she like tomatoes? Does he prefer whiskey or rum? You're learning what you do and don't like -- building foundation on the chance that maybe this person can be more than a brief phase in your life.

Even after both of these options chemistry is still what counts. But gotta get through the basics, first.

Everyone's pathway to a relationship is different. Before you determine whether a person is worth keeping around, you just gotta let the beginning stage run its course.


  1. a lot of relationship stem from a 'one nighter', but those relationships are founded strictly on sex, and rarely extend to anything else.
    i find the courting process fun but also tiring after a while if you can never find the 'one'.


  2. Hi Kisser --

    Relationships from sex? Can't say I know too many.

    As for courting... Isn't part of the point to find "the one"? You have to start somewhere, right?

  3. true, you do have to start from somewhere, but it's kind of frustrating knowing there are men out there carrying around bits and pieces of you.