Friday, December 18, 2009

Picking Your SuperMate

No one said this whole mating thing would be easy. But, part of the fun in the process is selection and the steps you take to finding a potential mate. Hence, the need to date -- and the journey to finding that perfect fit.

Sometimes, it works, and with it comes the desire to commit to someone for the rest of your life. But many times, people break up. Along the way, that "thing" that worked out in the relationship suddenly changes and it gets harder to keep something alive that once came so easily.

I started thinking about these things while I was out with colleagues last night. Two of them had just come out of long-term relationships, dealing with things rather well. And, while the specific circumstances for each situation vary, the shared point here (and across the board) is simple: in break-ups, what brings you together may be a great foundation... But it's the qualities of a person that makes the difference between a Right Now... And a Long-Termer...

Of course, there's no predicting these things in advance. But, the great thing here is that the opportunity to date and learn about each person. And, realizing what works -- and doesn't work for you. Personally, when I think of the qualities I want a man to have, I start with what I know hooks me in: Looks, Career, Style, Humor, Physical Chemistry... But then, there are other things that factor into my thinking. (Not that the qualities above don't count -- because they DO!) However, after having some strong male figures that I looked up to, and knowing who I am, some of these qualities just plain ol' make sense:

1. Honesty: If we can't just talk to each other, and filtering of any conversations is required, then there's no way we're gonna make it through. Period.

2. Patience: Need I say more? Someone that can't hang with the tough times isn't long term material for me.

3. Expressive: See, now this is a little different that romantic. If a person can let you know how they're feeling about you, then how can you really move to any level?

4. People-Committed: He should have other people in his life he highly regards -- family, set of best friends, adoptive parents, a child... And his actions should show it the same way he uses words to express it.

5. Strength: This one is multilayered. It's more of a man that is decisive in what he feels, and believes in things deep enough to assert himself -- without being domineering.

Whatever your qualities, the bottom line is simple: your "SuperMate" may come in any package. You just need to get past what reels you in and assess what they have that'll make you stay.


  1. I love this and I agree. If I have to filter any of my conversation, then it's over. But I liked what you said at the end the best, that this person can come in any package, getting past what reels you in and access what they have to make you stay. A perfect statement.

  2. I appreciate your thoughts on that! :-) Filtering is always a bad sign, in my opinion... It just means you can't be authentic. And no good can come of that.

  3. this was a great and timely post. i agree with all your points and qualities, especially #2. that kind of encompasses everything for me, but not just any patience, but honest patience, and genuine patience.