Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Kissing Pals

Before I got a (little) wiser to the ways of the dating world, I made the huge mistake of having kissed a guy friend or two in the past. Very intense kissing sessions that have significantly altered the way I've interacted with them ever since.

The first time it ever happened, I was in college and it totally caught me by surprise. But I admit, since we'd been friends, I was convinced it meant more. But, after a spell of not talking, and realizing that it meant very different things to the both of us, I became aware of an ugly dose of the truth I was just going to have to accept many more times: he just wasn't that into me.

Then there was one time that was a little different. Brandon and I had been grad school classmates and had grown close since graduation. That was when we started hanging out pretty frequently -- so much so that when he was randomly over here one night, I didn't even give it a second thought that
he was at my place after 1 a.m. And then, being so caught up in good time we were having, I just dove right in. No second thoughts about it.

At this point, I should probably say that I hadn't felt a strong attraction to Brandon. Sure -- he was adorable in the "Boy Next Door" way. But that was pretty much where it stopped for me. Pretty spark-free.

Anyway, what started out as a kiss ended up with regrets when I woke up the next morning. I had no clue why I did it other than curiosity but I didn't want this to change anything between us.

The events after that were kind of hazy, but I know it was an experience that weirded the both of us out because we ended up psychoanalyzing it instead of doing what we should have done: treat it as one of those random, freakish things between friends. Suddenly we needed to define it, like a rerun of "Dawson's Creek," and what should have been fun and funny just wasn't.

It was around this time that I realize the impact that hook ups have on relationships. See, before then, I was of the school of thought that you could be friends with someone even after something like that happens. However, after the issue with Brandon, I was suddenly not sure.

We've managed to put that all behind us -- for the most part and today's he's happily engaged to a sweet girl. But, all I know is that now it's shaped the way I view hooking up with friends -- which is a bummer only because I know there are a couple of guys that I am curious about if nothing else. I mean, as long as everyone agrees, can it be all bad?

Well, until I stumble upon one of those severely not OK situations, I'll keep an open mind. But that's me.

Image Credit: MorgueFile


  1. WHAT! it's not ok to kiss your friends?!? lol...jk...although, i've probably done it a few times...i have a really great friend of mine who i hooked up with for an entire summer under the assumption that we were just having fun. turns out, he wanted (and kinda still does want) more. sometimes i feel bad but i think that it was inevitable for us to go down that road. and we're still great friends...and i simply adore him...but ONLY as a friend. it's tricky, complicated and tough but i think if the friendship was there, it's bound to be there after.

  2. Interesting!! I'm a bit older now (wink wink) but in my younger, single days, I did a LOT of making out!! The outcome definitely depends on the relationship you and the other person have, and what it is about the friendship that you value. With some of these guys, our friendship meant way more to me than my pride. Other times, that just wasn't true.

    I have a good friend, who I've made out with a bunch of times. I truly ADORE him, but it just "never worked out" between us. Eventually, I realized that although he's a GREAT friend, he would have made a terrible mate, and things would have probably gone sour pretty fast. I think we are much better friends than we are a "couple." So, we don't make out anymore, but we still hang out, laugh, and generally have a great time together. We still have the good stuff!

  3. This scenario works best if it is apparent that it could never work out to both parties in the beginning. I find that older women are more receptive to this arrangement

  4. it defin has to be something agreed on by both parties as only a hook up. if not, it can and will get messy. great post.


  5. Thanks the.kisser!

    Man -- Why would you find this to be true of older women?

    Anonymous & missDTM-- What do you think made it possible to hold on to your friendships?