The first time it ever happened, I was in college and it totally caught me by surprise. But I admit, since we'd been friends, I was convinced it meant more. But, after a spell of not talking, and realizing that it meant very different things to the both of us, I became aware of an ugly dose of the truth I was just going to have to accept many more times: he just wasn't that into me.
Then there was one time that was a little different. Brandon and I had been grad school classmates and had grown close since graduation. That was when we started hanging out pretty frequently -- so much so that when he was randomly over here one night, I didn't even give it a second thought that
he was at my place after 1 a.m. And then, being so caught up in good time we were having, I just dove right in. No second thoughts about it.
At this point, I should probably say that I hadn't felt a strong attraction to Brandon. Sure -- he was adorable in the "Boy Next Door" way. But that was pretty much where it stopped for me. Pretty spark-free.
Anyway, what started out as a kiss ended up with regrets when I woke up the next morning. I had no clue why I did it other than curiosity but I didn't want this to change anything between us.
The events after that were kind of hazy, but I know it was an experience that weirded the both of us out because we ended up psychoanalyzing it instead of doing what we should have done: treat it as one of those random, freakish things between friends. Suddenly we needed to define it, like a rerun of "Dawson's Creek," and what should have been fun and funny just wasn't.
It was around this time that I realize the impact that hook ups have on relationships. See, before then, I was of the school of thought that you could be friends with someone even after something like that happens. However, after the issue with Brandon, I was suddenly not sure.
We've managed to put that all behind us -- for the most part and today's he's happily engaged to a sweet girl. But, all I know is that now it's shaped the way I view hooking up with friends -- which is a bummer only because I know there are a couple of guys that I am curious about if nothing else. I mean, as long as everyone agrees, can it be all bad?
Well, until I stumble upon one of those severely not OK situations, I'll keep an open mind. But that's me.
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