Most times, shutting the door on an old relationship can be hard. And, dealing with the post break-up emotions are just as tough. I know that each time I got over a relationship I had to go through the phases and when my first love, Charles, and I broke up, I had no idea how I would recover. So, I decided to act out -- going out a LOT, meeting boys, flirting up a storm, dating like crazy... I did anything I could to push him out of my life.
So when I was talking to my friend Laurie this week, I more than got where she was coming from. Shortly after having the "DTR talk" with her guy, he called it quits. And now that it's over, she's just now learning to heal.
And it was when we talked this week that she told me about being out on the town and meeting a guy that she seemed to instantly get along with. The drinks were flowing, and may have been a little caught up with the "liquid courage" in her system, but she was having a good time, and ran with it.
Anyway, he kissed her, and thus begins a make out session that could have easily turned into more. However, the guy puts the breaks on it and tells her he's started dating another girl he likes and doesn't want to mess it up. (**Insert splash of cold water here**)
Frustrated and confused, she turned to her phone and reached out to the guy that once made her feel good inside -- Mr. DTR & Run, as I'll call him.
At this point, reeling from the sudden bomb dropped by Mr. Not-Upfront-Guy, this is all too common as a next step. I mean, how many times have we rushed to reach out to an ex when someone seems to blow us off? There's a comfort we get out of leaning on the familiar... Even if it isn't the best thing for us, which it isn't most times (I mean, hello -- "break-up sex"? Who thought that was a good idea?!)
Logically, I'm of the school of thought that once a break up happens, you need to do everything you can to sever ties -- even if that means deleting numbers from your phone book. The stickiness of a break-up is hard to let go of without having a constant reminder in your all-too-accessible cell phone. How can you NOT be tempted to dial or send a seemingly innocuous text? Or even worse -- do that when you're drunk? (C'mon now. Don't tell me YOU haven't entertained the idea!)
As for Laurie... Well, slowly, her ex-guy is calling less... Which may sting but be necessary. I mean, as far as I can tell, no one is immune to the break up process. However, regardless of how you deal, all you can hope is that after the booze wears off and your dialing finger cramps up, that urge leaves your system, kind of like detoxing -- before venturing into the dating world again.