A couple of months ago, I was in the wedding party for one of my best friends, Melissa. We've been close for about five years, so I was excited and looking forward to the event. While taking part in the weekend's festivities, I met her cousin, Jeremy, who caught my attention instantly. He has boyish good looks, he was witty, made me laugh and seemed to have it together. And, I was sprung and looked for any opportunity to find chemistry between us.
Anyway, we clicked at the wedding, ended up grabbing a couple of drinks and having a great time. That night we did make out (but no "home runs") and I was intoxicated with the magic of the evening. In the morning, as I woke up reeling from the night before, I was smitten. I found myself wishing on the possibility of more dates, because of course we had a "natural" chemistry that just happened and there was no way I imagined that right?
Cut to the present. I haven't seen Jeremy since that night and other than a few text messages, we haven't had any other contact. And believe me, it wasn't like I didn't put it out there. I invited him out, dropped volumes of hints... But I couldn't seem to get him to ask me out. Sure he'd had a great time. But not great enough for it to materialize into anything more than the one fun night.
Truth is, my situation with Jeremy isn't much more different than the kind of things everyone goes through all the time: when we meet someone that just "grabs" us and we're sprung, only to quickly have the tide change and make us realize it's never going to happen. Suddenly, the infatuation phase is over and reality sets in rather quickly.
Anyway, Jeremy entered my thoughts as I was at my cousin Liz's dinner party on Friday night in my hometown of NYC. While I was there, an old schoolmate of hers, Patrick, and I got into a conversation about just that: the idea of what draws us and keeps us hooked on some people over others. While we were there, he had been talking about two women: one immediately grabbed his attention, which he felt instantly. The other... Well, that one was a little slower and snuck up on him.
In any case, Lady #1, Ms. Instant Attraction was great for about a week... And just like that she got difficult. Meanwhile, Lady #2, Ms. Slow Burn, just crept up ever so smoothly. Now it's Lady #2 on his mind. Meanwhile, Ms. Instant Attraction became such a difficult case that it almost wasn't worth it. So he pretty much threw the towel in.
It wasn't until later that night that I realized that Patrick's story reminded me of my situation with Jeremy or guys like him. He "caught" me just like Ms. Instant Attraction did for Patrick. And like Patrick, my situation with Jeremy just got hard... Games were played. And that's when it seemed very one-sided. At least in Patrick's case, he had the opportunity to find something with another woman that luckily enough not only surprised him, but has potential.
What it comes down to is that there is no denying what excites or grabs you about another person. That's the beauty of raw attraction. But, when it's ends up being one sided, it suddenly feels like a one person dance when we know the only way to tango happens in pairs.
In short: When the dust settles, raw attraction isn't always enough. That's when chemistry takes the lead, and makes the difference between a dance for a single song or all night.
Image Credit: EveryStockPhoto.com