Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Settling for Second Best

Do we convince ourselves that something is meant when it simply isn't?

I had this very conversation just yesterday with an old friend, Katie, who is seeing a guy that she's pretty lukewarm about. No major fireworks, the sex is "OK" at best, and the conversation is good, but not electrifying.

Admittedly, a million thoughts ran through my head, with the main one being "Why bother?"

"Well," she said, when I asked it out loud rather bluntly. "He's nice... And, well... I don't know when I'll find another guy as good as he is. So I'll play it out and see where it goes."

Not having a response for that remark, I kept my mouth shut and casually let it slide. But deep down, I felt bad for the half-interested emotion she had about the guy she's been seeing for nearly seven months. She didn't seem excited or even interested in this guy. And that was disappointing.

For some others, companionship takes center stage and attraction comes later. But for me? I would want to be thrilled about a guy that I'm dating, especially one for several months. And I'd want to feel it down to the tips of my fingers and toes... So, I'd rather be single than settle for a mediocre relationship. I mean where's the heat? The chemistry?

Now in my "late" 20s, I get grilled a million times over by my family on my dating life. (And with the holidays nearby, I am getting the questions fast and furious.) But, I remind myself that I still have some time to wait for the fireworks before you write me out of the marriage game altogether.

On the flip side, I think about it like this: In the time it takes me to decide how into a man I am, he's figured it out in half the time. So, if he disappears, it's because he already knows that there's no future. And while I don't agree with the vanishing game, he's saving me the trouble of wondering "what if."

Not that I'm in a rush to get to the altar. I still have a few bar nights left in me anyway. :-)

1 comment:

  1. yes, yes, and yes! I completely agree with you! Too many of my friends are in 'why bother' dating cycles or relationships. Me? I settle for nothing less than butterflies :)

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