Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Seduction vs. Attraction

Can seduction trump attraction?

This was the very question that entered my mind as I tried to wrap up The Game by Neil Strauss this weekend. I checked it out to understand the world of pick up artists -- and ended up learning a whole lot more about seduction and attraction instead.

Using my trusty resource, Wikipedia, I understand that attraction has been scientifically studied and comes from somewhere deeper within a person. Simply put, it's what draws you to someone and it's natural -- there are qualities that appeal to you and intrigue you about another person, usually the basis to build on something much more meaningful.

Meanwhile, seduction (the "sexier" sounding of the two) is influencing someone into some type of romantic or sexual behavior. The definition implies that a person is led into these things, and not something that comes organically.

It's reading these definitions again that made The Game a pretty insightful read. These guys, or Pick Up Artists (PUAs) as the lingo teaches me, created versions of themselves to establish an aura that would make them appealing to others. Essentially, from what I could gather, the guys in the book aimed to make women surrender (and from what I read did it quite well) simply by observing their targets and using basic understandings about sex and dating. Actually, what disturbed me was that I needed to read this to see it for what it was.

I have to admit -- this made me go back and think of times I was out on the scene, and was "number closed" (gave a guy my number) or "kiss closed." (working towards a kiss by the end of the night) The art of seduction ran deep. Heck there are tons of books, clubs and even schools of thought on the matter. The Game was only the tip of the iceberg.

Seduction is an art that can be learned by just about anyone, as Neil Strauss proved. But it's clear that it's way different from raw attraction. That's something that can be taught. I mean, can you really create something that's supposed to be natural between people? Maybe it's the illusion of natural? Either way, I'm open to discussing seduction verses attraction. Seems like there's a lot there...

But -- I'm still a believer in attraction. Seduction can last for the night... But attraction can withstand all of that - even when the magic of a night is done.


  1. To me, attraction is authentic. It is when you really like a guy.

    Seduction is a game I can play with any guy, just for fun.

    But it is dangerous because most of the people love so much that game that they can somewhat feel attracted by the guy. And then it is very hard to distinguish if you really like the guy if it's still the game.

  2. One of my favorite people, Miss DTM also had some thoughts on this one which I am posting on her behalf:

    "sometimes "butterflies"/chemistry is just lust...and i'm not convinced that is what makes a lasting relationship.

    it's a hard line to walk...yes, people are looking for companionship...and i have been involved in relationships where i wondered "why bother?" but after pursuing dudes who i was seriously interested in and realizing it would just NOT work, i had to try something different, something "safe."

    who knows--maybe the "why bother?" guy can make something real and lasting..."

    November 24, 2009 3:35 PM