Sunday, October 25, 2009

A Lady's Man

(Note: The title of this post is intentional)

When I go out, the goal is to typically have a good time with my girls and if I'm lucky, a couple of cute, single guys. Now, that's not my mission, but if it happens, why not, right? I'll just roll with it.

So, how does the equation change when you meet guys with girlfriends?

Now obviously I don't advocate (nor have I ever) being the "other" or disregarding someone's relationship. Not even close. But I don't know how OK I feel with even doing the flirting thing with another woman's man.

Here's the deal: this past Saturday, I was out with my often "going out" friend who I'll call Marisol. We were out with her sister Suzie having a good time, and ended up socializing with another party that was happening at the same bar.

While we were there, we ended up meeting a group of guys and having such a great laugh. Not dreamboats, but definitely sweet, adorable and funny as heck. Anyway, over the course of the night, while laughing and chatting with one guy I'll call Brian, I made a comment about enjoying the single life. That's when one of Brian's friends, Stuart, told us we were talking to the wrong crowd, since most of these guys were taken. Sheepishly, Brian nodded his head in agreement, admitting to the fact that he did have a girlfriend of three years waiting at home.

At this point, while I was a little surprised, the thought in my head wasn't disappointment - it was curiosity. I wondered how many of my past boyfriends had flirted with and bought drinks for other women when we weren't together. Now, realizing how easy it was for Brian and his friends to latch on to and flirt with my group, I'm sure it's often. But, honestly, I'd never given it too much thought before, assuming that having a man to myself would mean he doesn't need the attention of another. (Oh, how naive that thought was!)

Truth? I don't often find a man with a girlfriend hot. Instead, I find myself wondering what's not working at home that even if it's casual, he seems to feel the need to flirt with me. Sure, flirting is fun. But, it's (typically) done with the intention of building off of it into something with potential. Or rather, that's how it makes sense, doesn't it?

Not sure. At the end of the day, I kind of prefer "Unattached" on my list of flirting criteria. That way, if I seem to be into a guy after an evening of subtle suggestions and looks, I'm not disappointed when he ends up in the arms of his girlfriend at the end of the night, while I end up with my teddy or hanging out with two other guys: Ben & Jerry (Cherry Garcia Low Fat Fro Yo, when possible).


  1. i couldn't agree with you more. although i hold on to the saying that "at least he's coming home to me", i can't help but wonder who and why MY man would flirt with another chick.

    thanks for adding to my paranoia.

  2. I didn't mean to add to the paranoia. But I didn't realize how easy it is to just flirt with someone that's off the market. I mean, the "look but don't touch" approach is fine... But I struggle with how comfortable I would be if my man was doing it too often. I mean, dating someone new starts out with flirting, after all.

    That's where trust is CRUCIAL.