Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Digit Game & Delaying Gratification

I was talking to my friend Marisol, who had a bone to pick about the whole dating game: why the man she gave her number to (and seemed quite interested in her) hasn't called since giving him her number three days ago.

This is an age old question with no perfect answer, in my opinion. But, when she was telling me about her issue, I started to really think: Do you want a guy ringing your phone off the bat? Isn't some of it the fun in all this is when he'll call if he does call? And, at least for me, I like a man that can keep me interested at first. "Overeagerness" is a turnoff.

Then I thought of relationship expert Wendy Walsh, author of The Boyfriend Test. Now, personally, I've never read her books (but trying to borrow one from the library), and I do have a mixed opinion about dating books. But, she had some great videos on the "on demand" section for my cable provider that I honestly watched one time too many (check out the Telephone Test - applicable to this post). Also discovered that she's set up on You Tube, too!

Anyway, one of the points she makes is about delaying gratification -- a very logical theory. In short, you want to be with someone that isn't overly eager... Someone that can wait to be with you, but also has things going for himself without you. Essentially she sheds a little light on why it may be a little weird to have a guy calling you so soon after meeting you, and honestly I can appreciate that thought.

I know I want it both ways. I want a man that can keep me on my toes but just be honest if he likes me, too. I think the lesson here is that maybe, just maybe, it's worth enjoying the beginning when the chase is fresh. Thing is, if he's worth it at all, he'll do some of that initial lifting. And, that includes calling you, not keeping you in the dark about how he feels and working to get your attention. I mean, would you want a man that didn't work a little?

Besides, I would imagine most men appreciate the chase a little. They like feeling rewarded.

But that's another post. :-)

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