Saturday, October 17, 2009

The One Nighter

When I first moved out on my own, I was blown away by the dating scene. Entranced, really. Ordering cocktails, dancing to a great tune, looking your best, flirting the night away and hoping for a magic moment across a room with that incredibly handsome stranger. Essentially, I created a romantic image of what dating must be like and was determined to imagine my nights to be just like that.

The first time things came to a sobering reality was with a co-worker at my first "grown up" job a few years ago (he's actually mentioned in a previous post, "Eric"). He was hot, and I'd had a crush on him for a while. We'd played intramural sports together and had spent a great deal of time in the same circles. I didn't know how to tell him I was into him so I just made sure to be wherever he was (Pathetic, I know).

Anyway, he took me by surprise when he kissed me one night. I initially pulled away, stunned at what was happening. But instead, I was swept up into it all and gave in. To be honest, I had been so caught up in the fact that he seemed to return my feelings of attraction, that I failed to think even for a moment that it wouldn't go any further than that night.

In the morning, I was still glowing, but was soon washed over with the reality of the situation when he seemed to rush out of my place just as quickly as he came in. Before I knew it, he was gone and I was so confused I didn't know which way was up.

I've wised up considerably since then and in the process, I've met men, wanting "so bad" to get to know me, so I give them my number - but never hear from them again.

These days, I wonder: Well, why wasn't that guy more direct? At least it cuts through the bullshit and we don't kid each other. It's like Eric: maybe his honesty would have spared me the couple of weeks of agony afterward wondering whether he'd call.

From that day forward, I've pretty much adopted a simple mindset: It's OK to allow yourself to have a little fun once in a while (Playing the field does have its moments). However, when push comes to shove, I'm still a romantic. So, generally, I aim to play the relationship game (with real prospects) the old school way -- which means more than a fleeting moment or buying a drink before he gets my affections in or out of the bedroom.

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