Friends & Lovers

Bon Jovi brings up the strangest feelings anytime I hear the band on the radio.

I know, I know... Huh?

Well, let's backtrack about five years ago. (WARNING: Story and Lesson ahead)

I had a friend (I'll call him "Dave") who loved that band. And, every time "Living on a Prayer" played anywhere I could almost always expect a text from him, or I'd text him. Dave had driven me nuts with his appreciation for the song, but I soon became appreciative of his passion for Bon Jovi and especially that tune. 

Anyway, I'd met him in one of those chance meetings after a late night out on the town in NYC while waiting for the same commuter train. I got sick, he took good care of me, and we became friends. Just like that. Admittedly, I nursed a small case of "infatuation" in the beginning, but I didn't get the sense that he felt the same way. And because we were so far apart, I didn't give it too much thought. 

But, then I relocated to Chicago for grad school, and he moved back to Toledo, Ohio -- a simple 4 hours away. We'd done some more talking, and soon he became a confidant - relationship gripes, work complaints, the awkward 20s... He was a friend and I loved our late night IMs, or his random calls when Bon Jovi came on. 

All this talking and frustration with our love lives produced some fun conversations, and even some flirtations -- until one day, he suggested me coming out to visit. He had a birthday coming, he wanted me there, and we talked about hooking up. I was nervous but enticed by the idea. An old friend, we shared an attraction, and no deep thoughts about what we would be down the road? Seemed fine to me. Great, actually.

So I was psyched. VERY psyched. Then the night before happened, when a colleague, Eric, that I'd been quite attracted to seem to return the attraction. We then share an intense kiss that totally sent me into a tailspin. A whirlwind of a night, I woke up the next morning confused. Now I'm supposed to go see this friend?

But I take the trip. And when I get there, things are good. I get let into his house by one of his roommates and wait for him to come home. When he does, we stay up and talk about his birthday the following night just happy to see each other again. 

We soon go to bed, sharing a kiss that quickly becomes more. The next morning, I wake up, confused as heck. I'd really enjoyed being with Dave but Eric... Why couldn't I shake it?

It suddenly dawned on me that I had feelings for Dave, but I liked Eric. And, I hadn't counted on that.

So, after running some errands with Dave for his birthday party before he went to work, I came back to Dave's room, where we'd been the night before... And just sat there, frozen. Then, I did something that will forever continue to haunt me. I picked up my stuff, left Dave a note apologizing, got in my car and left. 

I tried reaching Dave for days after that, but no luck. We spoke a couple of months later, and I apologized, telling what I said in my note, that a family emergency brought me back home. Truth was, while things did happen to cause me to leave, it probably wasn't as critical as I'd made it sound. But, at that moment I was scared of what happened between me and Dave. And, in a way I think I used the event with Eric to justify just how intensely I fell for -- and was confused about -- Dave. 

Since then, Dave is happily engaged, and while he and I remain pleasant, there's no telling what would have happened if I'd stayed. 

As for Eric? Yeah, that didn't fare well either. Let's leave it at that.

Looking back, I don't know if I would have changed the decision to leave. In short, I wasn't ready for having the situation with Dave grow, or for Dave to break my heart. 

The point of this bittersweet tale? Simple: Everything happens for a reason. Everything. And sometimes, you just need to trust your heart. I've grown a lot as a person, and I know what I want and need from a relationship. And, I'm so happy for him now. I think he's really where he wants to be, and it's clear he's in love. So, in all worked out the way it should have.

What it boils down to is this: there are very few things in my life I would ever undo. Sure, things I would have preferred not to happen, but not take them back... It may not have happened all packaged up in a bow. But it worked out just the way it should have. And that's all I can ask for.

In the meantime, I'll continue to enjoy listening to Bon Jovi on a Saturday night, thank you very much.