Saturday, February 21, 2009

"The Island of Lost Men"

"Is it always necessary to have 'closure'? Maybe not."

One of my best friends ever said that to me very recently, and that left an imprint on my brain. I'd been talking to her about my latest dating situation -- a guy I'd been seeing, really cute, great chemistry, with potential... And then things get weaker. But then, just like that he starts to fade... Until he is no more. The calls stopped, and I don't hear from him.

Now, surprisingly, my issue isn't the fact that he wasn't into me anymore -- although admittedly my ego was feeling that a bit. No, my issue was the fact that he felt like disappearing was OK. He took the easy way out. Yeah, that was my pet peeve. 

I did want to call him and find out why. But that would have been a typical girl move. So, just like that, I let it go. But I would be lying if I said it didn't piss me off. I mean, he gets to disappear and find another girl just like that. Granted, I get to find another guy more deserving of my time. But I guess the fact that he was compelled not to close the chapter is annoying.

The conclusion that I have now come to (but still find ANNOYING as heck), is that his not calling IS the closure. And understanding that is even stronger than holding on to it, and making the next guy responsible for another's mistakes. 

While it seems like you're making something easier for someone by "disappearing", the reality is, that if there was any emotional investment, you send someone into a tizzy when you could have just been honest. But I like things packaged nice and neat. No grey. Black and white.

However you do it, I would urge you to think of the person on the other side. How would they feel? 

In the meantime, men will continue to do this. And, as my cousin says, they'll end up in a place she calls "The Island of Lost Men."

Man, I wonder just how big this island is, anyway. It's gotta be pretty damn big, if you ask me. 


  1. That's the hard part of the girl, you end up hanging without knowing what has happened.

  2. Does it always have to be that way? We can mitigate "not knowing" by simply -- being direct. Not as painful as it seems...