Saturday, November 15, 2008

What About Your Friends?

When I was younger, I loved the group TLC. You know what I'm talking about: T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili? They had funky clothes, fun beats, and animated videos. I didn't always get the messages to their songs, but all that mattered to me was that they were catchy.

The other day, I heard a familiar song -- "What About Your Friends." I didn't know much about the lyrics, so I decided to search them online. It has been over 15 years after all. And what it boils down to: "Will your friends be around when you need them the most?"

I know that my closest friends have been my friends for years, and people that I believe I would go through the fire with because they trust me, and I trust them. And no matter what, you can lean on them, and they can lean on you.

Maybe I'm naive, but when I go into my friendships, I go into all of them expecting them to last forever. And to me, my friends are heroes. Any people that can listen to me fret as often as I do would have to be a hero in my book. :-)

I also know I've been burned deep when I've had friendships change. I guess it's hard when you've positioned someone in one way, and somewhere, when you weren't looking, it's no longer quite what you thought.

That said, I want to always be that for them. It's so hard when you're immersed in trouble spots in your life to see outside of that sometimes. And, I want to always come back to Earth and be their rock.

I guess it's the price that comes with getting older and friendships are harder than they used to be. And that's real. But still, you know? The truth is, I guess it's part of the growing pains, isn't it? It may be, but I'm not ready to let go quite that easily. I try whenever I can, and as hard as it may get to face the reality of what things are from what they used to be.

And so it goes: "What about your friends?"

Good question.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Breaking Up is Hard... But Letting Go? Yeah...

Here's the truth: I've rarely dated seriously. And, what's more, in the serious dating I've done, I've not had the opportunity to be the "break-up-ee." And, for a type A control nut like me, that's an especially difficult pill to swallow when you grow to care about someone in a way you're not used to caring about someone.

I saw an ex, probably the most "important" ex I've had to date, and it still kills me that we're not together (Oh believe me, that is another VERY interesting story I won't tell now). Anyway, the feelings ran deep, so deep, and while it's all said and done, it kills me to see him and think of what we had... I still miss him, and there are times I want to do nothing more than to pick up the phone and call, or run to his apartment and into his arms and tell him about the crazy day that only he would understand.

But, then I think about the emotional turmoil he put me through and I snap back to attention. "There WAS a reason you broke up," I remind myself.

That makes it better sometimes. But that feeling has a way a resurfacing at your weakest points. Or when your teddy bear isn't enough.

I know that there will be another one to take that place. Until you find "The One," there always is. However, until I get to that point, I stand by my willpower, and know memories are enough until I let myself fall again.