All That Glitters...

...Is not gold.

That's the moral of this story. Let me put that out there now.

The story itself is actually pretty darn simple: Jackson, who seemed to be emerging as a nice lookin' prospect in my life is no longer.

I know, I know. That was QUICK.

And I agree. It was. After seeing him again earlier this week and having a nice, fun, and intimate night... I learn just today that a girl with whom he thought things were over has suddenly decided she wanted to work it out.

And he decided that he did too.

And, it was decided it would be all over via text. I'm paraphrasing but it went like this:

Me: Hope you're well. Still love to see you later on Friday. You game?

Him: Can we talk? My situation has changed.

Me: Level with me. What is it?

Him: It was a woman I was seeing. I thought it was dead, but now she wants to fix things.

Me: Say no more. I don't really have anything I want to say to that.

Him: I had no idea, or I would have never tried to start things with you.

Me: Seems like you know where you stand. I respect that -- bummed but glad you know what you want. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Him: Thanks. I'm sorry.

So that's it. Just like that. And truth? Yep, I am bummed. But appreciate his honesty. Doesn't make it hurt less. But, feeling a serious case of "the one before the one."

Guess it's time to go back to the drawing board on this one. If anyone has some seriously fun suggestions for me to channel my energies this weekend, I'm all for it. :-)

An Open Letter: Love You Like a Brother

Preface: How do you break it to someone when you're not into them? Truth is, it's never easy. And we deal with it all sorts of ways... Sometimes we run, sometimes we dance around the truth and sometimes we're brutal. But, how about just being honest?

Novel concept, I know. But, it's this very situation happening to one of my girlfriends, Marisol. So, for this post, I took an attempt at writing a letter that would gently break the news to a guy.

I'm all about softening the blow, diplomacy, blah, blah... But that's just me.

So with that said, here goes nothin':

"Hey you,

I don't know how to tell you how awesome I think you are. Seriously. We've been close from the start, and it's only grown since then to be this solid friendship for me -- a friendship with someone I genuinely respect, admire and appreciate in my life.

Knowing you the way that I do, I've realized that I love what we have now and that it's for me to see you outside of that.

Even as I say this, it's hard because I know things have gotten complicated. But, hoping you can trust our relationship -- I want you to know it's the best way for me to let you know how I'm feeling. But I'm also loving the idea of a drink or dinner, too. Let's talk soon?

Always,

Me"

I know it sounds like dancing around the issue... It always does. But somewhere you need to reaffirm a friendship. And if you're friends, you'll make it through...

After the whole weirdness thing clears up, of course.

Take Love Slowly

"...We don't have to rush the night away... There's always going to be another day...A time to make love and a time to play... What I'm trying to say, take love slowly..."

- Don't Rush (Take Love Slowly), K-Ci & JoJo

What do you do when you meet someone and the chemistry is instant? Do you run with it, or do you wait?

Now this conversation is probably as old as time, and has been discussed many a time (my personal fave? Single City Guy's post on the 90 Day Rule). However, it's been a long time since I've actually had to put it to the test, which is exactly what happened tonight.

This past Friday, while out with my colleagues, I met an incredibly good looking guy, Jackson. When he approached me, I had no idea I was the target, but I was certainly pleased when he asked for my number. We spoke the following day, and made plans to go out tonight.

I was nervous about what to expect, and a small part of me didn't really expect anything to come out of it. However, our fluid conversation and clear physical chemistry made it apparent that there was potential. And I was totally into it.

Anyway, we went out for coffee later, when we were very playful and romantically flirting with each other. The vibe was electric and I knew that I was feeling it bubble up inside.

As the night progressed, we talked about the idea of what would come next... And I told him flat out that if he were into hooking up only, he should just level with me -- after all, it would save us a lot of time to not play that game. He responded that it was because he was into me that he would go against what he was feeling and would hold back while we figured it all out.

While headed home, I thought about the night, and about Jackson, realizing that while I felt the fire, I realized I was happy that we pulled the breaks on it. Many a time, I've made the mistake of riding the chemistry wave only to have it blow up in my face.

But this time it's looking good... Because for now, he seems to want to play it patient. And that's feeling nice. Treading lightly though -- in case this is game of its own. And not trying to be bound by overly traditional rules. Actually, trying something new and making them up as I go. (**Smile**)

Who knows where this will go? Juggling a lot in my life, but right now, I'm riding out the patience wave... And hopefully that'll lead to the fire I've wanted.

The One After The One

Earlier this week, I was having lunch with my boss, mentor and friend who I'll call Rochelle. In catching up on life, I started to talk about my dating life and the impact that my first love, Charles, had on my life.

After I told the story, Rochelle made a strong and interesting observation: After you find "The One," can you be happy with another "The One"?

I know, I know... Huh?

Well, let's look at a well-known couple: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. For years, we swore they were happy, from couple status to marriage. But then, when Brad started working with Angelina, everything changed and he and Jen were over. And that's when the world took sides. "Team Aniston" or "Team Jolie" it was, as people decided which woman was really the love of Brad Pitt's life.

Now, rumors are swirling about whether or not Brad and Angelina will last... And regardless, it's clear that no relationship is as steadfast as we think. So, was he better off being with Angelina in the long run?

Another example? Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo. After breaking up with Nick Lachey, they each went their separate ways... And Jessica told the world she was in love with Tony. But the break-up headlines and being called a jinx? Personally I thought Nick seemed like the better pick.

The point here is simply this: Sometimes, leaving someone for someone that may be the one may be a hit or miss.

I guess that's where you're taking a leap of faith, isn't it?

Games Boys Play

How honest would you want someone to be with you about what they want?

Part of the problem in the dating world are the games we all play. You know what I'm talking about. Meeting someone, thinking you've forged a connection... And the anticipation after the encounter, wondering if you'll hear from them again, if they were into you... Only to be followed by intense disappointment when it didn't work out the way you wanted it to.

Now, off the bat -- and forgive me for this -- this is something that more directly seems to apply to the ladies. As much as I believe that women can and should be empowered to go after what they want in the dating world, by and large, it's women who are more likely to fuss over a guy that doesn't call over a man that doesn't hear from a girl after he's given her his number.

That said, it doesn't mean that a woman wouldn't be open to honesty. Or at least, that's what a conversation with my girls Marisol and Caroline revealed this evening. We were sitting in Caroline's living room when it all came out, after Marisol shared with us that she was disappointed that Karaoke Boy failed to call her after their meeting the previous weekend. And that's when the floodgates opened, leading to a bunch of random tales and rant sessions that can only happen among your girls. Then, she asked a simple question: "Why ask for my number if you don't plan to use it? I would much rather prefer a guy be straight up than to play games. At least that's honest and I don't waste my time trying to get to know him to only find out he only wants to hook up."

While Caroline didn't quite feel she'd want the kind of honesty Marisol was talking about, I have to admit that I did get Marisol's point -- and I agreed. Soon, I found myself thinking back to times I met a guy, had him ask for my number only never to call and wondering why he even bothered in the first place. Isn't it just more honest to put everything on the table and see if she'd even be game for what's he up to? These days, it seems that both sides can play that game.

I know that many people wouldn't want to hear that someone only wants them for one thing. But, I would imagine it would be just as damaging to the ego to not hear from the guy whom you thought was totally into you over those cranberry vodkas you had until four in the morning, convinced he was just as into you as you were into him. And the non-call makes it loud and clear that the intentions weren't mutual.

As long as the human species continues to date, this will always be an issue. But I'd like to make a small plea to start cutting through the bull, and level on what it is you want. Who knows? Without the game playing, you may end up getting what you really want from a person who thinks the same way sans the drama.

Unless you're into your life playing out like a 90210 love triangle.

Image Credit: Agent Double Deuce